Sullen Week

My week has grown sullen.  Yet, today is the last day of the year.  I should be feeling thankful.  But I suppose the paleness of my face shows my amount of enthusiasm for it.  In fact, I am only in the mood of having 2 pieces of Roti Canai with Nescafe O Ais.  And maybe along with that drumstick fried chicken eaten with Sambal Belacan.  It works each time so far, so it should not go wrong this time around.

From my arrival back home from where I was, took a toll on my shoulder and neck.  The usual 3 hours became 5 hours.  It was raining non-stop along the way.  And there were so many accidents that happened ahead of the journey.  So finally I got to have a massage yesterday evening.  I just had to have one.  Because this pain, means it goes all the way down your back.  And there is a little relief, but it feels like it is curling its way up again.  

Truth be told.

I feel empty being in the workplace where I am.  The environment makes me be ultra defensive - not that I already come with that package.  It makes you become calculative - just because you have to or otherwise you will be stepped on.  I have had enough of that.  I know deep within that the previous division where I was, had extremely understanding staffs who knows how much work you have and will accommodate you and as you with them.  It was only the amount of workload, expectations with too many adhoc things that came together; on top of having one screaming Libra who has got control issues; that made broke me.  But coming to this place, there is no appreciation, and no feeling of worthiness to work together as team.  Aware that I am just being one of them, for the things that I had done wrong for not taking of myself (mentally and emotionally), then I must.  This is the extent of me being walked on.

So my sister got hitched a couple of days ago.  I still have not seen her.  Fell asleep when she came home.

Towards the weekend too, now that it will be new year tomorrow.  Self-doubting that I should be taking off on Friday.  This dragging sappy feeling is so heavy on me right now.  Well, I suppose it could be with what the nation is dealing with right now.  Rain has not stopped pouring all over.  And I think it is time for me to get the Roti Canai.

I deserve the little pick-me-up.