Smallness

I am 3-hours away from home. With bleeping headache after driving with the kids to the destination. And belly full after being overfed by the family who lives in the room below us.

Silently I am suffering from toothache. Every other part of the day, it will gnaw my gum and make my ear and head ache. Not that when I mention about it, anyone would care. But many seem to feel it as I post it on the social network status. If only there is any dental clinic that opens on Christmas.

No mood. Perhaps it is the toothache. Maybe I am feeling ill. But this overfed bloaty moody woman is not feeling right. She is being ignored and expected. Sacrificing the days that she could embrace to coffee with friends; yet she is here. However, her mood pours down south because she is feeling that she is pushing her friends away without her knowing; although she has not done anything. All of them are constantly occupied with something. And she feels rejection and smallness.

This is what gets to you. No mood means no sincere smile is available on my face. I keep cleaning up but it keeps getting messy. Packing for 4 and keeping it neat and then repacking - and ignored... I am OFFLINE.

'She envisions herself tucked safely in the belly comfort of the cafe. Warm mug of black coffee and a pack of cigarettes.

She takes a long drag as she pulls the book she bought for herself a week ago. Loosen her flats off, she lifts her legs onto the chair and she takes a sip of her coffee.'

There is no doubt that SHE, is feeling lonely. Especially when this woman is not getting the cigarette she asked from him just to soothe this uncomfortable belly down from all the spices.

I know so.

Funny how the hours spent in the office yesterday, felt like I was ready to leave. The feeling of separation. Goodbye. Perhaps I am dying.

But then again, maybe I AM about to get my menses. Just because I often feel like I am dying each time before I menstruate.