Dear Self,
In the spirit of INFJ, I have shared my life's story with Ms Brown. The love, the loathing, the resentments that Ms Brown takes into her one by one. She is one segmental chick whose brain is sorted out just like how I think. Everything has to in precision, being practical, having space for possibilities; just like a woman who dons the white coat and sits in the lab, understanding possibilities to assimilate answers.
My spouse seems to be slowly assimilating me into his life as I slowly open up to the first few layers of who I am. Truth be told, I don't ever know if anyone can really know or understand who I am until they are able to. And I have no explanation to this statement. Although he tells me now I babble things that will stress me out. And actually, no. It's just simple stuffs that I kind of picked up along the way in those garbage bins in my head that seemed timely and appropriately just right to declutter.
Getting back to Ms Brown, she tells me how strong of a person she thought I was when I going through some troubled times. In her eyes she saw me just placid and calm and I understood what everything meant. And I thrived pacing into separation, while sitting in the court getting down with the divorce and being an independent person with three little kids.
Truth be told, no, I didn't know. But I understood my environment. And I knew him. I understood him.
Ms Brown said, she never did realize on understanding who her soon to be ex-spouse was. I cannot deny that I'm super complex. But I saw a little boy in front of me. I understood his intentions, his heart, his every core of being.
While sitting in court before the marriage was dissolved, I told him:
"You have always carried out what was expected of you. You have always tried to please people, and carry out what they want. You have done this all your life that you don't know what you need, what you want; for yourself. So go, I allow you to go, to be single and figure out what it is you need and have always wanted. Go explore and enjoy life. Be overly happy, and be overly hurt. Be on that journey to find out who you are. And if you're ready to come back, we'll talk about it when the time comes."
For me, it is possibly easy. For others, it may not. People are built differently. So much as such that I am able to think for other people, but I cannot think when the problem is immediately mine.
It's just funny how life is.
And Dear Ms Brown, I have never received such big compliment before as you say all that you did with all sincerity and glassy eyes that you tried so hard to refrain from pouring. I have never in my life embraced this compliment and felt like I have made a difference and accomplished in life. It is an emotional growth. I know this sense of maturity is priceless.
