Reality Bites in the Arse

Truth be told I woke up weaving in and out of sleep literally being awake and sleeping 20-30 minutes each time, throughout this morning.  So I developed a headache.  Or perhaps I was weaving sleep because I had headache.  

So I tried to take my time getting ready for work.  I bathed and cleaned every nook and cranny of by body.  Then looking at self, I actually attempted to come to work without bra on today.  Well, I put the bra-singlet thing on and felt comfortable in it.  But there was a "WTF?!" moment and so I came to the office in a proper bra on.

I am still having headaches through the morning.  It has been quite a stressful day that I have not been getting much done where instead I would weave through the internet for some self-distraction, which really does me a lot of good, actually.  Err.  At least that is what I think.  

And so.  Reality bites in the arse.  Sometimes, a certain scent, or feeling or moment would pull me back to where I was a few years ago.  This morning I drifted into the memory when he made arrangements for household packing for us to move back into my parents' - when he knew he had no intention of moving back with me and the kids.  And that piece of memory waved of as I said, "OK" and moved myself upstairs to get ready.  

I am at a better place now.

Although the arse is hurting again when I see faces of people who reminds me of the stuffs I need to get going today.  

Too many loads today.  And I am slowly putting my head back into my shell as I resist, tongue-biting myself, finger-restraining myself, from sincerely lashing back to these groups who are self-absorbed. I never get why some people just like stealing someone else's thunder and does it so without compassion.  So very self-absorbed.

Haih.

Another self-distraction, I found a mushroom soup recipe, Jamie Oliver style.  Reminds me when I my eldest was about 2 years old.  We went into the bookshop and I showed him Jamie's cooking book and went, "Look at Uncle Jamie!" and everyone around us went curious and kept looking back at us. It was unintentional for it to sound that way.  But I just referred to everyone one else as uncles and aunts with him.

Anyhoo...  Here is the link to MUSHROOM SOUP by Jamie Oliver.

Looks good ain't it?

Chips and Ice

How does having a chip on the shoulder and dealing with someone else with a chip on their shoulder go together?  This eruption of ego clashes and snarling remarks flow of sarcasm even more when other people are suddenly included in the conversation thread.

I hate it when people react to be condescending with me, because I am as much as that.  Especially when you were not even born yet when I entered high school.  Being Asian, it shows little respect that you have with your elders when you are required to have just that in the religion that you live your life in.  

Your clothing do not represent who you are.  Your actions do.  

So for this period of time, I shall reflect back onto that.  

The truth is, my actions are what I am.

Self Resentment

What is love?  

Love is perhaps waiting for Scrabble to patiently load into your mobile and it has been more than 2 attempt of reloading and more than 3 minutes of waiting.  That is how patient we all are - only for 3 minutes.  And I am feeling impatient about it by minute.  Oh well.  Let us just shut the damn thing off.  Ugh.  Pffft.  How sad is that?

We used to wait 14-30 days for an international letter from our pen pal.  Or half a day lounging about the house, just waiting for a boyfriend's phone call made from the public phone.  And cards.  All sorts of greeting cards.  Throughout the weather.  And rundown letters from the rain.  Not bills.  Real heartfelt letters.

But I am in boredom as I celebrate alone by myself on all little tiny achievements.  

Why am I enthralled to these things?  So drawn to this weirdness that can be so sorry to self instead of simple awesomeness.  

At this point of time, I really pity myself.