Delusional

With all the delusions in my head, I get myself into a head cramp first, and heart cramp later.  The things I do to myself.  Do I personally loath that I am an over critical self heart mutilating person and head full of sarcasm over writing and lip syncing for whatever I can see through my eyes?  Indeed.

I backfire myself. 

Need to word vomit. 

No.

Just vomit all the words out so I can see clearly and empty whatever is in my head, then my heart. All the tantamount of emotions is just too much.

Too too much for me right now.  And my brain is completely switching on its sarcasm auto-mode. 

Haih.  Just because of the emotional overload. 

Now I feel like a very very very bad person.

But then again, probably not. Hahahaha. Oh the bi(a)tch that I can be.

Me Myself and I

I somehow am feeling quite pissed today.  Been feeling this light-weighted feel (or what at least I try to make it be) of human connection that I slay from time to time, with some of the longest people I have known.  Am I the bi(a)tch or are they?  

Fine.  They have always been they way they are.  But just because they are, that doesn't mean I haven't been.  And goodness me, I am pissed because they feel that I deserve them so.  Well okay. Maybe it is God's way of telling me that I have gone overboard of late. But I have also been struggling with how to revive the friendship that is slowly dying.  And letting go of friendships that shouldn't be as you see photos of them with their new circle of friends circulating in the Internet.

I am humbled in this case.  But the emotions around me has been going crazy loopy all over from family to family.  Seriously loopy just keeping myself sane for all questions that I have been holding back from my own family.  And withholding my tongue (fingers, actually) from serial typing over people who are so desperate for attention that they keep interrupting other people's conversation with unrelated posters.  But I did let one out.  And all have since acted cowardice whenever I say something in the chat group.

Let alone be the day at work where all those who annoy me annoys me.  

Grr.