What is it about truth that is so compelling to the human heart? Sincerity, compassion, full of emotion. Some want to seek human touch. And then there are some who lacks all of the above and feasts on other people's agony.
So here goes...
I am a mom of three. Fell in love. Got married. Got divorced. Remarried. Owned a few blogs. Shut them down. Still maintain them for the sake of my own sanity and keepsake. And now this.
When the divorce happened, many were curious at that standing fact. But no one came asking. I didn't bother telling. Why need to expose your wound, when you are so hurt that you cannot take care of yourself and when you still need to take care of children that God has given you? How is that?
Some tried to pry but I shut them down just because they don't deserve to know, and they too know that. Some kept coming with a distance. But, they still don't deserve to know. And the thing is, it was most intriguing because we were from the same school and still live in the same town.
Divorce is never easy. Some would begin faulting him or her or the other her or the other him. Stop insinuating, or coming up with some reason or excuse. No truth would come out of it unless that person is really sincere and truthful enough to clean up his or her mess. And having just anybody who was never in the situation, or come to stand within themselves, to tell you what to do; will not be a clever thing to do. You might get into deeper trouble.
Here is the plain truth:
Divorce isn't just separating boxes and furniture; it is a separation of past, current and future dreams that you shared with your spouse. More even, your own children.
It is so dense that you cannot stomach it. You are swirled in a typhoon of emotions and if you don't stay still for a minute, you will not be able to find your bearing. You will not know where to hold on to. You may lose focus and lose yourself completely.
This is where when people will begin to judge you. All words will not help. You will lay helpless there. Not knowing what to do next. And you will soon realize that your attempts for some truth to cling on, are all fake pretense that people extend to you.
Yes, the world is full of fake people. This is when you know who your true friends are. You will live in a whirlpool until you are pushed to take steps that you don't know how it will benefit you, but you just do it anyways - You will be jumping without a net. Just because you don't have a choice. And this will apply in most major things that you do. Your every move will be more immaculate when it comes to making decisions for child/children and what you can do to provide them education, trips and simple pleasures; just because you can't afford to.
I was quite transparent with mine. My approach was to tell them that their dad isn't coming back. Reassured them that we both still love them, only one party fell out of love from each other. No matter what was lost, that we still had each other; as a whole unit, minus the dad. And how each weekend, they will spend time with him because he loves them that much that they all deserve time with each other; and that of he will always be their father, the same how they will always be his children.
Yes, I have to admit that the truth hurts.
In fact, it hurt everybody in the household and its exterior. More than ever before.
Each day I tell the children that they are important in many different ways. Send/pick them to/from school when I could, even when I didn't have time for myself each day. Stare at them when they are asleep. Went crazy by myself afterwards drowning in my own emotions, trying to find strength where I lost or misplaced them. Went to work half asleep. Going to work with 1-2 hours of sleep was not uncommon for me at the time. It wasn't an easy time for me or for those who knew and saw what I was turning myself into. But I had so much support from simple individuals that I feel very blessed throughout the ordeal.
Then I learnt to speak.
